November 22, 196 AC
LETTERS FROM DUO
(Sidefic series for the
Death and the Dragon Arc)
By: Mel and Christy
Duo fumed as he scrubbed the makeup
off his face. This was getting to be too much. Why him? It wasn't fair, he
always seemed to get the really bad missions. Crossdressing, lingerie factories
in the tundra, thirty hyper preschoolers... and their groping female
relatives... It was almost enough to make him go... postal, that was the term
from the 20th century when people got fed up and started shooting the crap out
of things... and people. Dr. G was at the top of his list when he went
A knock on the bathroom door broke the braided teen from his
reverie, and he turned as Heero walked in. Shaking his head slightly, the
Japanese pilot took the washcloth from Duo's hand and began re-washing all the
places Duo had missed.
"Baka, you're just smearing it around. Let me do
it," he said, wiping off the eye makeup. "Just tell G you won't do this any
more. There's no reason one of us can't take these occasionally... well, maybe
not Quatre, and Chang would refuse outright, then never let us forget it if we
made him take it; but Trowa and I don't really have a problem with these sort of
missions. I'll inform J, and Trowa will let S know. Come on, all clean, and
Trowa's made you dinner and hot chocolate. Eat, then email G."
followed Heero out of the bathroom and into the kitchen, where Trowa was just
putting the late dinner on the table. Duo smiled slightly and flopped into a
chair. "Thanks, guys. I really appreciate this. And just wait until I get a hold
20:11 November 22, 196AC
SUBJECT: Are you on drugs?!
Are you nuts? On drugs? Why do *I* keep getting these
crap waste-of-time missions? The lingerie factory, the preschool, the four
dress-in-drag missions and now this?! This was the last straw, man! If I wasn't
already gay, following that pervert colonel around as he went from his mistress
to hookers and back to his mistress would have turned me off women for good! I
can honestly tell you they *weren't* passing vital war-type information, trust
me. I've got nothing against the ladies of the night, hell, they taught me a lot
about life when I was a kid, but I really did NOT need a week's inundation of
this guy's kinky and perverted fetishes! Some of them totally grossed me
You just wanted video and pictures, right? You have some sort of
weird, perverted voyeur thing going on, don't you?
This is it! Any more
of these damn things go to Heero or Trowa, got that? I am NOT joking here. If I
wasn't me, this mission could have sexually traumatised me for life. One more,
G, and I post pictures of you in drag and bodage gear, getting it on with Dr. J
and the others, all over the net. Maybe then you'll all learn that Duo does not
do drag, Duo does not do waste-of-time missions, and Duo is not the middleman in
the delivery of your kinky, perverted, sex videos!
pissed off and NEVER DRESSING IN DRAG AGAIN!
P.S. Your report and squicky
video and pictures are attached, you perv!
* * * * *
Professor G glanced at the
email aliases Duo had used and frowned. Seeing the subject of said email, he
reached in his desk for the flask of medicinal whiskey he kept for occasions
when his pilot was not happy with him, and poured a shot into his coffee. He
almost considered Duo as a grandson of sorts, or at least a nephew, and usually
his emails were amusing and extremely entertaining. But this... this could be
very bad. Taking a long drink, he steeled himself and clicked 'open'.
minutes and two whiskey shots later, Professor G hit
SENT: 20:32 November 22,
SUBJECT: No I am not!!
I am NOT a pervert! Don't blame *me* for these
stupid, degrading, waste-of-time missions. Blame the damn informants who keep
giving me crap leads! I am as mad as you are-- well, maybe not *quite* as mad,
since I haven't been stuck impersonating a schoolgirl or spying on lingerie, or
being groped-- and I don't want to keep wasting your skills on useless
I'll do what I can to weed out the useless missions. Shake up the
informants a bit, cut their funds if they turn in too many false leads, that
sort of thing. I'll double and triple check any seemingly useless leads...
except anything from the Yggdrasil ring. They've never failed us yet, and
anything from them I'll tag with 'Yggdrasil'. All right?
And what's with
calling me Greebo?! I'm not a cat, much less a scarred moggy with scraggly fur!
In retrospect, I believe I may have been in error to introduce you to the
P.S. Was it really *that* kinky? I'm
almost afraid to look...
**NOTE: Cohen the Barbarian is a character
from Terry Pratchett's Discworld series.
This Web Page Created with PageBreeze Free HTML
Editor / Web Hosting