LETTERS FROM DUO
series for the Death and the Dragon Arc)
By: Mel and
Duo took a big
gulp of the milky pink antacid straight from the bottle, and shuddered. "Ugh. It
doesn't even taste like strawberries; it's just... pink. Pink chalk.
Yuck. Nearly two hundred since we started living in space, and we can't
make an antacid that tastes of something better than pink chalk?"
the bottle down, he scrubbed vigorously at his mouth with the back of his hand,
then started to type.
SENT: 18:41 November 28, 196AC
A word to the
wise... While she is actually a very nice, smart and considerate girl now that
we fixed her crazy obssessive habits, do not let Relena attempt to cook and do
not let her wash the good dishes (if we had any)! Since she and Heero are now
'together'-- yes, I am a god... maybe I should switch to calling myself the god
of love?-- she decided to make dinner for him, and for me, since I was
'instrumental in clearing up all the misconceptions that were plaguing Heero and
me'. What a mistake! Next time I try to infiltrate an OZ mess hall, the food's
got to be better.
First, she nearly destroyed the kitchen... it took me
two hours to clean it. The roast was waaaaaay over done-- can you say
charbroiled-- the vegetables were nearly raw, the gravy was worse than lumpy and
the biscuits were hard as rocks. I'm considering using them as ammunition
against some Leos or something. Heero and I managed to choke some of it down. I
thought she was going to burst into tears after she tried some herself. I sent
Heero out for take away, and volunteered you to teach her to cook, if she really
wanted to learn. You are the best cook of all of us, you know. Only the best for
my friends... don't hit me for volunteering you when I see you next.
anyway, will you and Quatre be around next week? Relena wants to sit down to
dinner with all of us. I think she sees the rest of us as potential
brothers-in-law, not that it bothers me, as long as she doesn't attempt to
poison me again. I doubt 'Fei will deign to show up... probably make up a
mission or something, but that's his loss. I figured you and I could cook this
time. I picked up this huge recipe book and it looks like there's some great
stuff in it.
Let me know, okay?
Duo... who just missed
needing his stomach pumped...
* * * * *
"Quatre... we may have to change
our plans for next weekend."
"Why?" The blond pilot glanced up from his
book to see Trowa reading something on the laptop and his face fell. "Oh, no! A
"No. Duo's volunteered me to teach Relena to cook," Trowa said
dryly. "I feel a sudden need to not go and visit them."
be that bad!" Quatre objected.
"According to Duo's description of her
current culinary skills, oh yes it can. Read this."
finished, he sat back and blinked a few times. "Um... I see what you
"How are you feeling?" Trowa asked, in an apparent non
"Duo will never believe it if I tell him
I'm sick," the taller teen smirked. "But if you get ill, of course I'll
have to stay here and take care of you... Are you sure you're okay? You look a
Suppressing a giggle with an effort, Quatre fixed a
stern look on his face and pointed at the computer. "Answer it. We're going.
She's not going to be cooking our meal, after all; she's just going to be taking
"I'm still going to have to taste
SENT: 19:30 November 28, 196AC
SUBJECT: Re: Trowa-
'Rent a Clown'? Don't you
mean 'Rent a Cook'? or am I supposed to be a sacrifice on the altar of your
stomach? No guarantees. If you're telling the truth-- and yes, I know you never
lie, but you *do* exaggerate when it suits you-- Relena's either a complete
beginner in the kitchen, or the Anti-Cook. If she's totally inexperienced, I can
teach her. If not... remember that anime you showed me a few months ago? The one
with the cursed springs? People like Akane *do* exist.
See you next
P.S. Next time you want to bring someone into a
messy situation like this one, you might want to give them the details *after*
they've arrived to help. If Quatre had let me, I'd be running for the hills