LETTERS FROM DUO
for the Death and the Dragon Arc)
By: Mel and
listened to Relena rummaging around in the two-roomed shack's excuse for a
bathroom and heaved a sigh of relief. He quickly removed all the bows from his
numerous tiny braids, cursing the blonde girl continuously, then stood up,
stretched and dug out his laptop.
"Heero is a sadist. I never should have
forced a sense of humour on him. I never should have fixed him and the Blonde
Menace to Society up together. I shouldn't have shot him in the arm. I should
have let him rot in that Alliance hospital. He hates me. The universe hates me.
This is torture... cruel and inhumane. Why me?"
Opening his email
program, he listened once more to the noises in the bathroom, then started to
SENT: 19:03 March 27, 197AC
What the hell
have you been saying to Relena?! Your onna is driving me crazy! Next time *you*
babysit, and I'll go and get shot at! She's been asking me all sorts of PERSONAL
questions, and I don't mean height, weight, and shoe-size! Then she tried to
kiss me! Said she was comparison shopping! She wouldn't even take 'I'm gay! I
don't kiss girls!' as a no! She stalked me into a corner, Heero!
she did admit she was just teasing, but since when does she tease me? When did
she start pulling pranks? When did she learn Gundam Stealth 201? And when did
she learn my secret? The secret about me, brush, hair, fall asleep... yeah, you
know that one. You told her, didn't you? I will get you back,
She begged to brush my hair (I never though I'd hear Relena say
'I'm bored' in my tone of voice, by the way), giving me that puppy dog look that
works so well on you, and I caved in and said fine. First mistake. She brushed
until, as usual, I fell asleep, and when I woke up I had a million little skinny
braids. But! That wasn't the worst! Somewhere she came up with a bunch of girly
ribbons (she probably cut up a shirt, who knows?) and put bows on each braid!
THAT is going just a bit too far! We've only been here a day and a half... what
will she do to me next?
Hee-chan... can I please tie her to a chair until
you and Tro take care of the problem?! Or lock her in a closet-- er... never
mind-- we don't have a closet!
By the way... How did you find this piece
of crap safehouse? It's awful; rats live better! It's worse than that shack I
was stuck in on that tundra and lingerie mission.
Okay, I'll let you go
wreak havoc and mayhem. I need to find something to keep the Menace to Duos
occupied with-- SHIT! Nail polish?! Bright red nail polish?! She keeps red nail
polish in her purse?! Relena... you are NOT using that stuff on me! Duo does NOT
wear nail polish!
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeero! Come and save me!
just call me 'Pretty' once...
P.S. Don't listen to Duo. I'm not abusing
him... much. I'll give him back in the same condition I got him in when I'm done
playing with him. Take care of yourself! --Relena
P.P.S. Tell Trowa that
I hope he's well, and I'm sorry that he got stuck on this mission.
* * * *
"Is there any way we can complete this
Trowa eyed the faintly sick expression on Heero's face
with interest, and shook his head. "I don't think so. Why?"
never speak to me again if we don't get them out of that safehouse
SENT: 20:35 March 27, 197AC
You do so kiss
girls, even if it was only once. Hilde tattled. And I've told you before, what
do you mean, '*my* onna'?
You're just as much to blame for this situation
as I am. If *you* hadn't intervened, Relena wouldn't have the sort of sense of
humour that would find all that funny. And I did *not* tell her about the hair
thing. She's a girl; brushing hair seems to be a girl thing.
that is sort of sexist. It's also true.
Duo: No, you may not tie her
Relena: Let up on him or I'll change my mind about
P.S. Trowa says he's glad it's Duo and not him
guarding you, Relena; he'd hate to find out what you'd do to *his*
Heero clicked 'send'
and raised wary eyes to Trowa. "Duo, Relena, safehouse together... this is
so not good."