Bishounen Hunting Duo

                                                                                                                                                                                                         Episode 4


Hello, and welcome to the fourth episode of 'Stalking the Wild Duo'. Wufei's voice said, sounding faintly amused. In previous episodes, my co-hosts have shown the Duo in various lights, concentrating on aspects such as kindness, generosity, friendliness, athleticism and intelligence. In this episode, I intend to focus on an aspect of his personality that spills over into every part of his life: his wit and humour.

Other episodes have mentioned it, of course, Wufei continued as the camera slowly panned across the outside wall of the house. It would be almost impossible to leave it out. This, however, is going to be a more-- shall we say, concentrated study. For example, today it's the Duo's turn to cook the morning meal. He's a good cook, and will definitely come up with something that all the members of his group will be happy to eat... but the presentation is likely to be a little... odd.

The image zoomed in on the kitchen window, showing Duo moving around briskly, cooking something in two frying pans at once. He had a couple of bowls of fruit standing ready on the counter, strawberries and what looked like cantaloupe cut into odd shapes, and the coffeemaker was bubbling away behind him.

The chances are good that this is not going to be a straightforward 'put onto plates and serve' type of meal, Wufei said dryly. Let's watch and see what he does with this.

Duo poked a few more times at the contents of one of the pans, then quickly turned off the heat and started to arrange the food onto five waiting plates. A stack of pancakes came out of the oven where they'd been kept warm; the last pancake was flipped out of its pan; scrambled eggs were spooned out of the other pan to sit next to the pancakes. Then Duo picked up the bowls of fruit.

Two strawberries onto each pancake, under the crescent-shaped serving of eggs. Blueberries in another crescent beneath the strawberries. Angular pieces of cantaloupe on the edge of the plate...

Somehow, I think that plate is intended for the Trowa, Wufei chuckled, centering the image of a pancake face that had a rectangular cantaloupe turtleneck instead of the stylised shirt collars adorning the other four. I also think I should get inside, so that I can be properly introduced to my 'friend' before it gets cold.

Knowing Duo, he's probably named them.




I am pleased to be able to report that this morning, the bishounen pack had breakfast with Harpo, Groucho, Zeppo, Marcus and Skippy, Wufei's voice said dryly. The five visitors did not survive the experience.

The camera seemed to be moving across the garden, sneaking from bush to bush as Wufei used every available scrap of cover on his way to a section of plants marked off by a hedge. It might have started out as an ordinary, fairly sedate boxwood hedge, but the three different types of flowering creepers wound through it added a certain festive element.

In a previous episode, it was suggested that the Duo might spend so much time in and around water because he's making up for something his childhood lacked, Wufei continued, voice dropping to a whisper as he reached the hedge, flattened himself on the ground and began to wriggle under the greenery. The theory has a certain merit... especially when you consider that plants were another thing the Duo didn't see much of in his youth, and he spends a significant proportion of his spare time here, 'messing around with green stuff', as he would put it. He hasn't had much free time over the last couple of months, so today he's making up for past neglect...

Duo was on his hands and knees on the rather shaggy lawn, raking the grass apart with his hands and peering at the ground underneath with a delighted grin on his face. A garden fork stuck in the nearest flowerbed, and a pile of weeds lying on a trash bag showed what he'd been doing before whatever-it-was distracted him.

Although the Duo approaches gardening in a rather 'scattershot' way, dropping one task and picking up another as the mood takes him, he's perfectly content to work for hours at a stretch and will always return to half-finished jobs to complete--

Duo grabbed his fork, spiked it into the lawn next to where he was kneeling, jumped up and bolted for the house.

--er... except, perhaps, today, Wufei muttered, swivelling the camera to follow the braided teen as he ran. I have no idea what he's up to now.

"Hey, Tro!" Duo yelled, slamming through the door and vanishing into the house. "Where's the--"

The door swung shut behind him, cutting off his enthusiastic voice, and the camera swung back to the patch of lawn that he'd been kneeling over, zooming in until individual blades of grass were visible. There was a pause as the image shifted slowly from side to side, then Wufei snorted. It's grass. It's green. You encourage it to grow in the lawn and you weed it out of the flower beds... beyond that, I know of nothing that might make the Duo react that way.

The sound of the door slamming back against the wall again echoed across the quiet garden, and Wufei zoomed out in time for the camera to film Duo bounding back towards him, clutching a bundle of plant stakes and a roll of something striped yellow and black. He hopped over the patch of ground he'd been examining, obviously being careful not to step on the 'something', and began to spike the stakes into the ground around it.

Heero arrived on the scene a couple of minutes later, pushing a lawnmower. "Are you going to be working on this patch much longer?" he began, as he appeared around the edge of the hedge. "I was planning to-- hn. Duo, why are you marking off part of the lawn with crime scene tape?"

"Oh, hey, Hee-chan," Duo said absently, not looking up from winding 'PREVENTERS LINE- DO NOT CROSS' around a stake. "I don't want this bit mowed."

"Why not?!"

"Daffodils!" Duo said happily, tying off the tape. "Oh, and you can't mow that bit either," he added, pointing to his left. "Or a patch over there. I'm going to mark them, too."

"Duo," Heero sighed, leaning on the lawnmower's handle and visibly suppressing a smile, "I think your explanation is missing a couple of paragraphs."

The braided Preventer bounced to his feet and waved a plant stake at the flowerbed next to him. "Well, y'see, the daffodils in this patch here have concluded a strategic alliance with the pansies under that tree there, and are attempting to join forces in order to better fight their mutual enemy, the lawn. The daffodils have sent an expeditionary force out to extend their lines this way-- you can see them sprouting if you look under the grass, they're still kind of small, but I know daffodil shoots when I see 'em-- and the pansies have taken a more guerilla-type approach, sending out solo fighters that have taken strong points here and here. I kinda like the pansies' approach, really; it reminds me of our tactics."

"So... the daffodils and pansies are spreading into the lawn, and you want to leave them there," Heero translated, smothering a grin behind one hand.

"Exactly! I think the tulips may be going to join the Floral Alliance, too, but they've always been kind of slow starters. See, Heero, you're smiling! I told you yard work was fun!"

"Getting distracted from yard work can be fun, too," Heero purred, abandoning the mower and stalking forwards. "Come here..."

"Ooh, yeah... ack! Not on top of the daffodils!"

The camera image bobbed violently as it began wriggling backwards, out from under the hedge. I think that little episode is a perfect illustration of how the Duo brings humour into every part of his and the others' lives... even gardening, Wufei chuckled. This seems to be a good point to end this last episode of 'Stalking the Wild Duo'. Now, if you'll excuse me, I think the Heero is conducting a distraction experiment that I'd like to be a part of...



On to Epilogue

Gundam Wing

















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