Bishounen Hunting Duo

                                                                                                                                                                                                     Episode 1


Welcome to the sequel to the previous Bishounen documentary, Quatre's voice whispered cheerfully. Unaccountably, one subspecies was left out of the coverage of the bishounen pack; nobody can work out how this oversight happened, since the Duo could be termed the glue that holds the group together. The producer has been fired for gross incompetence.

Anyway, in order to rectify that terrible omission, this four part series will showcase the Duo in all his fascinating moods.

Quatre had apparently followed Duo into town, and was filming him from across the street as he parked his motorcycle in front of the small local grocery store. Waving cheerfully at a group of rough-looking teenagers, who waved back and yelled something friendly-sounding, he walked inside.

Already we're able to observe two examples of what an exceptional person-- er, bishounen-- the Duo is, Quatre's voice said wryly. First, he's volunteered to go shopping for some ingredients the Trowa needs for dinner. It's not even one of his favourite meals; it's one that the Wufei particularly likes, and the Duo has referred to it as 'Chinese five-spice and rabbit food'. Second, if anyone else parked an expensive motorcycle in front of that group of teenagers, without taking the keys out and chaining it to something solid, it would be found three days later, on the other side of the county, with a note tied to the handlebars saying 'thanks for the loan'. The Duo, on the other hand, made friends with them the first time he met them, and now they'll protect his bike from anyone else who might want to interfere with it.

Let's follow him inside.

The camera view swooped downwards and then showed a dim close-up of the inside of Quatre's pocket for a minute. There was the sound of an automatic door opening and closing, the background noises changed from street sounds to quiet Muzak, and the camera emerged from the pocket to show a view of Duo from between stacks of cans on a shelf.

The Duo's willingness to do favours for almost anyone is one of his most endearing traits, Quatre continued softly, panning the camera sideways to follow the braided Preventer down the aisle. He has several times declared his disdain for people who always think 'what's in it for me' before doing anything that might inconvenience them-- sometimes directly to their faces-- and has mentioned that his philosophy of life requires him to 'perform random acts of kindness and senseless beauty'. Quatre stifled a chuckle. He then laughed insanely and added 'plus the occasional feat of mass destruction', of course, but the sentiment stands.

The camera panned, focussed in on Duo as he reached up to get some cans from a high shelf for a short elderly woman, then followed the odd pair as they walked off, beginning an animated discussion on the relative merits of three different brands of canned tomatoes. Since Duo was basing his opinion on their respective label pictures, with occasional references to their ad jingles, he soon had the grandmotherly woman laughing.

See? Quatre said happily.


Over the next quarter of an hour, Quatre followed and filmed Duo as he cheered up the depressed cashier, played a quick ball game with a group of children outside the store, exchanged outrageous rumours with the teenagers, and left everyone who interacted with him happier than they had been before he bounced into their afternoon.

This is why D-- ah, the Duo is so important to his pack of bishounen, Quatre commented, abruptly remembering the pseudo-documentary style he was supposed to be using as Duo rode off toward the house with the groceries in his motorcycle's saddlebags. When the other members of his pack are depressed, he cheers them up. When they argue, he draws them back together again. A couple of them would never even have considered joining the pack if he hadn't suggested it, and pointed out all the reasons why it would be a great idea. All the reasons, he added dryly, including bulk purchases of icecream, and lower heating bills because we-- er, the pack-- could all snuggle up together in winter.

Duo didn't join the group, he finished softly, with a small satisfied sigh, it formed around him.

Join us tomorrow for the next episode of our documentary with your next host, Trowa Barton. This is Quatre Winner, for Gundam Productions, saying 'Thank you, and goodnight'.

There was a quiet snicker as the camera was switched off.


On to Episode 2

Gundam Wing


















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