Bish Hunter Duo

                                                                                                                                                                                                         Episode 2

Wednesday- Trowa

Good morning, and welcome to the second episode of our new wildlife documentary, where we are following the daily activities of this small pack of bishounen. We will be continuing our observations, profiling each of the bishounen sub-species in turn, until sufficient data for proper scientific study has been collected... or until I get caught, whichever comes first.

Leaves moved out of the way as the camera was pushed forwards, and then it zoomed in on the open kitchen window. Something moved inside, and Duo's whispered narration got slightly louder, fake English accent and all. If we look closely, I think we can see... yes... yes, it's a Trowa Barton, our subject for today's program. The quietest and stealthiest of the bishounen, the Trowa is also one of the deadliest; and yet, given the opportunity, he will revert to surprisingly domestic behaviour patterns. In this case, the Trowa seems to be preparing food for a communal meal. There was a slight pause as the camera moved to get a better line of sight through the window. He's a damn good cook, Duo muttered in his normal voice, then cleared his throat and continued, back in character.

Other members of the bishounen pack may actively shun food that has been prepared by, say, a Heero Yui, or the Quatre we saw yesterday, but a Trowa's offerings will always be received with delight. All the members of the pack have their parts to play, of course, but the Trowa's skills at home defense and domestic tasks make him especially valued.

Completely at home in any environment, especially one that involves sharp, pointy objects, it's no surprise that the Trowa excels at food preparation. His ability to dust and vacuum an entire den complex in under thirty seconds is a bit harder to explain... And, speaking of sharp, pointy objects, it appears that we are about to be treated to a sight that very few have seen. The Trowa, you see, does not regard culinary preparation as a spectator sport, and prefers to cook alone. Observe the excellent blade technique.

Bending over to pull utensils out of a drawer, Trowa reached up without looking and flicked a knife out of the butcher's block with his free hand, sending it spinning across the room to thud point first into the corner of the cutting board. A multitude of little nicks in that corner were visible as the camera zoomed in even further, showing that Trowa had done the same thing frequently... perhaps hundreds of times.

Dedicated Trowa-watchers speculate that onlookers are discouraged not because this bishounen subspecies dislikes being watched, but because the Trowa wishes to be sure nobody will be in the way at a crucial moment. Frankly, I wouldn't risk it.

Ducking into the fridge for a moment, Trowa came out with several bunches of herbs, mushrooms and peppers, tugged the knife out of the board and set to work.

Trowas have been filmed with their hands moving at a hundred chops per seconds when making omelettes... well, perhaps not, but it looks like it.

The camera zoomed out again, just a bit, then panned across the length of countertop visible behind Trowa. Always considerate, the Trowa frequently prepares the equivalent of several meals in one, catering to the varied tastes of each of his packmates. Here we can see the variety of cereal preferred by Heeros, a gourmet coffee blend destined for the Quatre, a small rice cooker that-- ohhhh, cool! He's gonna do pancakes!


The image bounced as Duo cleared his throat several times, forcing his voice back down to its David Attenborough's stealthier register. Yes. Well. As I was saying, the Trowa can be counted on to think of everybody...

Swinging away from the window, the camera panned across the lawn to several tall, shady trees. Of course, the Trowa doesn't spend all his time in the pack's communal den being domestic. Quite the contrary, in fact; this subspecies spends a large percentage of its time outside, enjoying the natural environment, either alone or with its mate. This particular specimen has often been sighted in sheltered areas like that one, peacefully observing birds while enjoying various cool beverages.#

Another activity that Trowas frequently take part in is conducted here, in this spacious annex to the communal den. Back the other way, and the camera steadied on a wide shot of the large garage next to the house. This structure contains several lovingly tended assemblages of shiny metal, which seem to have no purpose other than to occasionally move quickly around a short track, making large amounts of noise. The camera slowly zoomed in on the open garage door, showing one of the brilliantly polished classic cars inside, All the bishounen in this small pack spend various amounts of time in here, performing arcane rituals that defy analysis. Perhaps the glittering chrome and bright primary colours serve as a form of attractive display to potential mates, just as bits of blue plastic and tinfoil attract female bowerbirds...

...of course, since all these bishounen already have mates, perhaps they just like loud shiny things. More study is obviously needed.

Back to our main subject for today, the Trowa.

Pulling back behind the screen of bushes, the camera bounced along, tracing an erratic path between patches of cover until it was around the corner of the house. Sneaking through the side door, it crept along the corridor to the kitchen, where Duo aimed it around the doorjamb for a moment to get a close-up view of Trowa's rear end in his tight white jeans.

One of the Trowa's most distinctive features, second only to its impressive crest, he murmured quietly into the microphone as he jogged down the corridor. Trim, well-developed gluteus maximii, built up by frequent acrobatic exercise.

Letting himself into another room, Duo slowly panned around, past music stands and racked instruments. In this segment of the pack's den, the Trowa and his mate frequently cooperate together to make harmonious sounds, both for their own enjoyment and to entertain the other bishounen. This may act as a sort of bonding ritual, strengthening--

"DUO! Breakfast! Trowa's made your favourite! Get in here before it goes cold, or I'll feed it all to Wufei!"

"Not if I can avoid it, Yui..."

Ah, the haunting cry of the wild Heero echoes in the distance. An extremely protective and possessive creature, this elusive variety is incredibly difficult to capture on film. Perhaps we'll be lucky enough to see him, tomorrow.

The camera image went black as it was stuffed into one of Duo's capacious pockets, but it remained switched on long enough to capture a few more seconds of audio. "Decisions, decisions," Duo's laughing voice yelled over the sound of a door being opened and shut. "Do I enjoy the buzz myself, or sacrifice my pancakes and syrup to see Wufei experience his first ever sugar high?"



On to Episode 3

Gundam Wing




















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