Bish Hunter Duo
                                                                                                                                                                                                          Episode 3


Thursday- Heero

We now begin the third episode of our bishounen documentary, focussing on the Heero Yui. This subspecies is particularly hard to film, partly because the Heero is an innately suspicious creature-- some might even say paranoid-- and partly because you have to get up bloody early in the morning to start tracking him. Duo seemed to be imitating David Attenborough in a mildly disgruntled mood this time, and the camera image wobbled as he didn't quite manage to stifle a yawn.

Steady again, the image zoomed in on the brilliantly lit garage through the open doors. In the pre-dawn dimness, the tiny camera was having trouble working out what light level to use, alternating between a clear picture and bright flares until Duo switched over to manual adjustment and dialed the sensitivity down. Yet another reason why the Heero is difficult to observe, he murmured. This specimen seems to instinctively search out environments where electronic surveillance equipment will be at a disadvantage. With determination and patience, however, we should be able to gather some useful data.

We see, here, the Heero in the grip of one of its obsessive phases, he continued, getting a nice side-on view of Heero leaning into the engine bay of one of the cars. Occasionally, this variety of bishounen will fixate on a project or task; in this case, making microscopic adjustments to one of the shiny metal noisemakers we mentioned in yesterday's program. At times like this, the Heero's perfectionist tendencies rival those of a Quatre Winner in the middle of a nest-building frenzy. A tiny difference in hue between two panels of a noisemaker, invisible to the unassisted eye will set off a marathon session of sanding and repolishing that may last for days and eventually involves all the metal fetish objects owned by the bishounen pack.

Heero straightened up and wiped his hands on a rag, backing a couple of steps away from the car and frowning thoughtfully. Duo continued his whispered narration as he picked a different tool out of the kit and leaned back over the engine.

The Heero's physical attributes are not shown at their best in this setting, sadly, and we aren't quite close enough to get a good look at the distinctive piercing blue gaze. A Heero who believes himself to be unobserved behaves very differently to a Heero who knows he is not alone. Here we are seeing a relaxed, calm Heero, rather than the stereotypical 'coiled spring' behaviour so familiar to bishounen-watchers. While there is, of course, nothing wrong with a relaxed Heero-- quite the contrary, a relaxed Heero is a rare and somehow touching sight-- the magnificent muscle definition characteristic to this variety can only be properly appreciated when the Heero is, ah, flexing...

Heero walked around to the front of the car and bent over the engine again, presenting the camera with a perfect butt shot. that.


Irreverent observers have termed this phenomenon the 'Buns of Steel', Duo commented, almost absent-mindedly as the camera zoomed in.

For almost thirty seconds, there was absolute silence as the image stayed tightly focussed on Heero's rear, bobbing slightly as it followed every shift and muscle clench; then there was a muffled exclamation and the camera swung down, giving a shaky upside-down view of a bulge in Duo's shorts. Damn thing needs a built-in defogger in the viewfinder, he muttered apparently polishing the offending lens with a handful of his shirt.

*Ahem* Yes... the Heero provides a fascinating subject for study. Closer observation is definitely called for... but we don't want to alarm this instinctively private creature, so the camera will, sadly, not be able to capture the experiment I have in mind. Can the Heero be distracted from its self-appointed task?

I'm off to find out.




The answer is 'yes', Duo's voice whispered, chuckling. The camera didn't show a clear image at first, vague shapes suggesting shadowy edges and a blob, until he remembered to switch it back to automatic light level adjustment, then the image quickly brightened, resolving into a bedroom ceiling and lampshade.

The Heero's den, Duo continued, panning around the room, shared with his mates. An extremely protective and possessive bishounen, the Heero shares everything with his mates, almost everything with his other packmates, and absolutely nothing with anybody else. Attempting to interfere with a Heero's possessions, or people he cares for, could almost be defined as a form of suicide... swift, but very definitely not painless.

Naturally, the Heero has a weapons rack, Duo continued, stopping at a panel of the wall that had several guns clipped to it. Adept with a variety of lethal items, these bishounen set up a cache in any den they intend to inhabit for more than a few days. Previous observers have reported an almost pathological need for Heeros to keep a weapon with them at all times, but this compulsion seems to have lost much of its force in recent years. Nowadays, the Heero will only conceal a weapon on his person when he anticipates a need to enter a dangerous situation... confrontations with rival packs, formal gatherings with a high percentage of dewy-eyed bishoujo, and so on.

Another weapons rack, belonging to one of the Heero's mates. The camera moved on to a sword rack. This selection of sharp things is characteristic of any den inhabited by a Chang Wufei, the last variety of bishounen we will be profiling and the subject of tomorrow's program. Some observers would be surprised to find a Wufei and a Heero living together amicably as mates, believing them too aggressive and dominating to get on well. Others point to the similarities in their temperaments as a reason why they can cohabit. For example, both are almost compulsively neat. The image steadied on Heero's shirt and shoes, respectively draped over and lined up under a chair, then dropped to Duo's clothes, scattered over a wide area of the floor. Definitely not left by a Heero, those.

Obviously, the Heero isn't here right now, but I believe he's still close by. Let's go and see.

Padding silently out into the corridor, the camera followed a tapping noise to another room. It appears that the Heero is indulging in another of his habitual occupations, touching a strange flat black object that may have some sort of primitive religious significance--

Edging around to peek through the narrow gap, the camera finally got a clear view of Heero, typing at his laptop... wearing nothing but his spandex shorts.


Hm. Obviously the Heero is absorbed in one of his fixations again. Really, to make sure the earlier experiment result wasn't a fluke, we should check to see if he can be distracted from this one, too...



On to Episode 4

Gundam Wing

















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