AUTHOR: Mel. Kudos goes to Christy for sniggering in all the right
places, helpful suggestions, and supplying a couple of the best
"No, I will not choose!"
"...you have to!"
"I do not!" Duo glared impartially at his two lovers. "I am not going to choose between you, and that's final! Either the two of you tolerate each other, or nobody gets any. Am I making myself clear?"
"*sigh* Yes, Duo," was the response... in stereo.
Duo relaxed a little. "Look, if you decide that you can't handle sharing me, it's up to you to decide who leaves. I don't want to lose either of you, but I'll live with it if that's your decision. All right?"
They eyed each other thoughtfully. "Yes, Duo."
"Fine. I'm going out." *SLAM!*
"I'm not leaving," Heero said bluntly.
Wufei snorted. "Well, I certainly don't plan to."
"I don't feel like sharing, either."
"Well then..." Heero cracked his knuckles, smiling grimly. "One of us will just have to make the other one leave."
Wufei smirked confidently, dropping into a ready stance. There was a tense moment as each measured his opponent, ready to spring at the first sign of movement.
Duo threw the door open. "And NO FIGHTING!" *SLAM!*
They stared at each other as Duo's footsteps stamped their way down the hall outside.
"Well, shit," Heero said in a disgusted voice.
"Hn." Wufei straightened up, scowling. "We can't continue this way, and neither of us will give way to the other."
"Duo is going to have to choose."
"He doesn't want to."
"Then we'll make him."
They smirked at each other, in complete agreement for once.
Over the next few days, Heero and Wufei indulged Duo's every whim. He wanted to go to the movies? Wufei took him. There was this great new DJ at the dance club in town? Heero gritted his teeth and went with him. Duo wanted chocolate icecream, and Trowa finished it last night? One of them went to buy some, while the other one took the opportunity to make out on the couch.
Unfortunately, Duo was showing no signs of preferring one of them over the other.
"Great plan, Chang," Heero growled sarcastically. "Pity it isn't working!"
"Give it time," Wufei replied calmly.
"I don't want to. You're still here."
"Patience is a virtue, Yui." He smirked. "Perhaps I should just wait you out, hmm?"
"Not in _this_ lifetime. I can hold out just as long as you can. Longer."
"Then what do you suggest?"
Heero thought for a moment, then smirked. "I say we take this further."
THE NEXT NIGHT:
Duo sat bolt upright in bed, swatting off two sets of hands. "All right, that's enough! Halt! Cease! Desist! QUIT IT!" He gasped for breath, sweating visibly in the dim light, then rounded on the two boys sharing the bed with him.
"Sex is not supposed to be a competition to see who can make me come more often!" he yelled. "If you don't let me get some sleep, I'm moving to the couch-- waitaminnit."
Heero and Wufei exchanged nervous glances as Duo glared suspiciously at them.
"This is all supposed to get me to choose, isn't it?" he said slowly.
"I told you I wasn't going to choose! And I also told you what would happen if you two didn't get along!" Duo stood up and made for the door, grabbing his dressing gown. "I'm sleeping on the couch until you two get your heads out of your asses and realise I mean what I say!" *SLAM!*
Quatre and Trowa looked up as Duo came stamping down the stairs, muttering to himself.
"Duo, what's the matter?" Quatre asked, eyes wide.
"Those two idiots think I'll choose the one who screws me silliest!" Duo complained, waving his arms around for emphasis as he stalked towards a chair. As he was about to throw himself into it he paused, got a soft cushion and sat down carefully, pouting. "I didn't get any sleep last night, and they weren't going to let me get any tonight, either! When one of 'em stops, the other one starts!"
Quatre leaned over to pat Duo's shoulder soothingly as Trowa muffled a snicker behind his hand. "I'm sure it'll turn out all right, Duo..."
Duo crossed his arms and sniffed sulkily. "It's rather insulting, actually. I didn't hook up with them for sex. Well... not just for sex!"
Trowa nearly choked.
"Duo! Duo, come back-- shit!" Heero jumped up and nearly ran towards the door.
"Great plan, Yui," Wufei growled as he followed. "Now neither of us has him!"
"It was your idea to make him choose!" Heero snarled, spinning to face him.
"It was your idea to use sex!"
"Well I didn't hear you arguing!"
"And I didn't hear you arguing about _my_ idea either, so you can just shut up!" Wufei yelled back. They were standing nose-to-nose now, glaring into each other's eyes, fists clenched at their sides.
"That is so juvenile, Yui."
"Well, fuck you!"
Wufei smirked. "Is that an insult or a proposition?"
Heero grabbed him by the shoulders and kissed him.
Duo sighed, propping his chin in his hand. "I hope those two morons don't kill each other," he said moodily.
"Oh, I'm sure they'll settle things peacefully," Quatre said, casting a nervous glance towards the stairs.
Wufei growled and kissed back, biting at Heero's lips as he thrust forward, rubbing up against him. Heero's grip tightened, fingers digging into flesh hard enough to leave bruises as he pushed Wufei backwards onto the bed, forcing one knee between Wufei's as he grabbed for the lubricant.
Duo jumped up as a loud thump came from upstairs; there was a pause, then it was repeated. "Oh, for crying out loud -- they're fighting!" He ran for the stairs.
"That doesn't sound like fighting to me," Trowa muttered as he and Quatre followed.
Duo froze in the act of reaching for the doorknob. From this close, the noises behind the door were clear enough to be understood...
"Nnnh... OW! What the hell did you have to bite me for?!"
"You were looking... entirely too smug... Yui-- aaah! Mmmm..."
"I'll show you smug."
The thumping noise started again, settling into a rhythm, accompanied by panting gasps and sounds of pleasure.
Trowa was snorting with suppressed laughter as he turned around and started back down the stairs; Quatre was torn between giggles and concern for Duo.
"Um, Duo... *snicker* they're not fighting, so... um, are you all right?"
Duo's shoulders were shaking; then he turned around and Quatre could see the expression of glee on his face. Clutching at each other for support, snickering, they made it down the stairs and into the living room to join Trowa before all three of them burst into howls of laughter.
SOME TIME LATER:
Heero raised his head from Wufei's shoulder, breathing heavily. "You are such an asshole, Chang." He kissed him gently, one finger rubbing apologetically at a bruise.
"And you are such a bastard, Yui, so we're even." Wufei smirked. "Besides, I thought you liked me being an asshole..." He shifted under Heero, making the other boy gasp, eyes squeezing shut.
"Don't do that. And no, I don't like it. I don't like you at all," Heero growled, then kissed him again.
"That's good, because I can't stand you," Wufei muttered, nipping gently along Heero's jawline to his ear.
"We're in denial, aren't we?"
"Good. Just so long as we both understand that."
The door opened and Duo walked in, planting his hands on his hips and glaring at them; they stared back at him, wide-eyed.
"Took you two long enough," Duo snapped; then he broke into a grin. "Now can we just settle down into a nice kinky threesome? No arguments, no fights?"
"This is _not_ a threesome," Heero retorted, starting to carefully disentangle himself from Wufei. "This is two twosomes that happen to overlap."
"Definitely," Wufei agreed, wincing slightly as Heero eased out of him. "This was just a momentary aberration, and we are _not_ planning to repeat it."
"You've got that right."
"Whatever," Duo sighed, rolling his eyes. "Move over, I wanna get some sleep."
TWO WEEKS LATER:
"No, Yui, I do not want to play 'sandwiches'!"
"You just want to do it because it lets you feel like you're getting both of us at once. If you're screwing me, I want your undivided attention."
"Yeah, Heero, Wufei's right. You get one of us at a time or not at all... unless you want to be in the middle this time?"
"The idea has merit... unless you don't think you can handle it?"
"I can handle anything you can deal out, Chang."
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