Tired and shaken, Heero and Duo bolted the door behind them and looked over their new safehouse warily. The last mission... to say they had managed to escape by a hair was putting it mildly. Heero set his bag down, finally convinced of their safety, and pulled his lover into his arms without a word.
Duo shut his eyes and buried his face in Heero's shoulder, clinging to the other boy. "Heero..."
"Shh, it's okay," the Japanese teen soothed, running one hand along his smaller lover's back.
Duo pulled back, though, and gave Heero a serious look. "If you ever, ever do something that incredibly stupid ever again, I'll kill you myself!"
"Duo, I didn't mean..."
The American put a finger to his lover's lips and pulled him in for another hug. "I thought you were dead, I really did..."
"But I'm not." Heero pressed a kiss to Duo's exposed neck and just held him.
Shivering in the cold room, the two teens eventually broke apart. The Japanese pilot ventured a small smile. "If you can build us a fire in the fireplace, I'll get the mission report done, okay?"
Duo snorted and reached for his bag. He pulled out a sweater for himself and tossed an extra to Heero. "Wear that in the meantime. God only knows how you can survive in that damned tank top..." He was still muttering to himself as he opened the door and stepped out into the chilly darkness.
Heero pulled on the sweater, gratefully inhaling his lover's scent off the garment as he pulled it over his head. He knew he had been reckless, but it got the job done...
He thought back to something Trowa had said to him, the last time they had seen each other - "It would kill him if something happened to you. You're not Superman, you know."
He shook his head and pulled his laptop out of his bag.
He was still typing about an hour later, when Duo dropped into the chair next to him. The room was toasty warm, and the bright flames had done wonders to improve their gloomy, stressed-out moods. The braided teen held out a mug of steaming liquid. "Soup? I know it's not much, but we're stuck with standard rations until one of us discovers some civilization out here."
Heero accepted the offering gladly. "Thanks. I'm about done with this..."
"Hey, you've got some email from Quatre!" Duo exclaimed, pointing at the open mail server screen. "What did he say?"
Heero took a sip of soup. "Don't know yet. I wanted to finish this first."
Duo drank his own soup and read over his lover's shoulder for a long moment before nodding his head. "It's good. All you're missing is 'and then I scared the crap out of 02 by nearly committing suicide...'"
Heero shot his lover a glare. "I did not..."
"Relax, Heero." Duo draped an arm around his shoulders and squeezed. "I know."
Heero felt the small smile on Duo's lips warming him in ways the soup couldn't, and quickly finished his report and sent it off. Getting a nod from his lover, he clicked on Quatre's message:
----- begin message -----
FROM: Zero Four
TO: Zero One
SENT: 0326, 26 Oct 195
SUBJECT: You Two Have the Devil's Own Luck
I don't know what you did, but Duo was so upset about it that my uchuu no kokoru woke me up and I looked up your mission. I know you both got out okay, but it must have been close. Thank Allah you're still alive!
You're probably writing your mission report right now.
Anyway, I found this on the net the other day, and it made me think of you. Pls share with Duo - it's his fault we've all become addicted to these things, anyway.
Take care and let me know if I can help with anything. Trowa and I send hugs to you both.
----- end message -----
Heero sighed and let his chin drop into his chest. "I'm sorry, Duo."
The American tipped his face back up again. "And you should be, but let's put it behind us, okay? Just remember that I will kill you the next time..."
Heero smiled and pulled Duo closer for a gentle kiss. "There won't be a next time," he replied, staring into violet eyes.
"Good." Duo reached past Heero and clicked on the attachment. "Now let's see what... well, I'll be damned!"
Heero looked closely, and his eyes widened. "Tell me who writes up these lists so I can find them and shoot them. Please."
Duo laughed. "Too late, Ro. The copyright on this one dates back to pre-Colony times. A Superhero, eh?"
Heero grimaced, but was unable to hide his amusement completely. As annoying and childish as these lists were, he'd enjoyed them all thoroughly.
He hit the reply button and pushed back from the small table enough that, when he patted his lap, Duo had the space to squirm onto it. "Would you like to do the honours, or should I?"
Duo wiggled as much as he dared in Heero's lap, trying to get comfortable. "Your show. I'll add comments here and there."
----- view attachment -----
[H. Yuy wrote]Quatre,
Sorry about that. I did something very reckless on the mission and scared Duo to death. I won't be doing it again.
Give Trowa our best - and enjoy our responses.
Heero (and Duo!)
----- attachment begins -----
If I Ever Become a Superhero:
1. I will not wear clothes that are more revealing than what suits the occasion. There is no need for me to wear a tight leather outfit, metal breast plates or spandex for walking to a market or relaxing.
[H. Yuy wrote] Duo doesn't object to my spandex, and the last time he dragged us all out to a nightclub, Trowa confided in me that he made you sleep on the couch because you wouldn't stop staring at my butt in leather.
2. I will not stand within the villains grasping range when s/he is cornered.
[H. Yuy wrote] Not too hard to do, given I would be in a mobile suit. Anyone stupid enough to come within Wing's grasping range is asking for death. (Duo: And they'd have to get past me and 'Scythe, first!)
3. If there is a risk that the villain, his troops or anyone affiliated with him will be in the area, I will not venture out alone so that I am kidnapped, captured or killed. Rather I will use the buddy system.
[H. Yuy wrote] If anyone out there is good enough to capture me when I am not incapacitated, they are good enough to capture me and anyone else who might be with me. Not a good idea. (Duo: Anyone who tried to grab Heero would have to deal with me! BWAHAHAHAHAAA!)
4. I will try to avoid boring romantic sub-plots and get on with my mission.
[H. Yuy wrote] Duo wouldn't talk to me for a month if I gave further comment on this. Besides, you know our sex life is anything but boring. (Duo: Damn straight!)
5. If I must get involved in a romantic sub-plot then I will not play stupid mind games with my partner which are just annoying and distracting from the plot.
[H. Yuy wrote] He usually decides which 'games' we are going to play, and I'm never disappointed.
6. I will not go out alone against an entire army to free my father, mother, brother, sister, pet, third cousin twice removed, etc. Rather, I will realize that I need assistance or another strategy.
[H. Yuy wrote] You are our strategist, Winner. Should I ever find out that I had a family that needs revenging, you'll be the first person I talk to. (Duo: Not me?! Hmph - good enough to sit on his lap and do all sorts of naughty things with and to him, but not good enough to take on a revenge mission... j.k.!!!)
7. If I am in a situation where I am being forced to marry someone who is either rich or powerful, I will not put up a fuss, marry him and then proceed to kill him or stage a coup at the earliest opportunity to seize power much like Catherine the Great did.
[H. Yuy wrote] I wouldn't have to put up a fuss - Duo would do it for me, and then still make me sleep on the couch, just for getting involved.
8. If I engage in a sword fight with someone, I will ensure that s/he can not cut my clothes off with a few thrusts of his/her sword.
[H. Yuy wrote] Duo and I tried that once. I never knew he was that good with his sword, before...
9. If I invent some kind of all-powerful weapon, chemical or device, I will ensure that I have hired adequate security to protect me from the inevitable kidnap attempts or attempts to steal the device.
[H. Yuy wrote] You built the weapon, and OZ tried to steal it. They can try again, if they want. I'll get it back, anyway.
10. I will compare myself with an average 12-year-old. If I find that the average 12-year-old has more common sense than I, then I will resolve to stay at home and not interfere in dangerous events or chasing villains until I can improve my knowledge.
[H. Yuy wrote] You're talking to a guy who, as Duo says, is as suicidal as a lemming. Since when does common sense apply to me? (Duo: Starting today, I hope...)
11. If I run into someone on the trail of a villain/villains, and I have absolutely nothing to do with this person, his/her cause or if I feel that s/he is capable of doing the job his/herself, then I will go along my merry way and not interfere since I will be little more than a distraction.
[H. Yuy wrote] I don't have time to fight every petty dictator wannabe out there. None of us do. That's what less-well-trained rebel factions are for.
12. I will not become a nosy, goody-two shoes reporter.
[H. Yuy wrote] I'm only human. Superman can keep his title.
13. I will wear pants since they are practical. I will avoid short skirts, spandex, tight leather, tank tops, tube tops and bikinis as much as possible.
[H. Yuy wrote] Duo looks better in tight leather, in my opinion. (Duo: he just doesn't like how it chafes - he knows he looks hot in it!)
14. If I find that I am in a situation where the dumbest heroes are given the largest and most powerful weapons, the men are given the next most powerful and I am given the least powerful weapon (like a bird, javelin, shirken, too-tight karate uniform, etc.), then I will demand a more powerful weapon against hordes of the enemy.
[H. Yuy wrote] My beam cannon beats anything else, as you well know. (Duo: DOES NOT! Go ahead and try using it under water, I dare you!)
15. If I must be mysterious and attempt to make sure that my identity is unknown, then I will take pains to ensure that I remain unknown. i.e.: I will not leave quasi-romantic things behind like a flower (especially not a rose or a lotus blossom), scarf, matchbook, business card, etc. As well, I will take pains to ensure that I am not followed.
[H. Yuy wrote] None of you will ever let me live it down that I used Duo's name once, will you? I was worried and I couldn't think straight! And he left before OZ figured it out, anyway. (Duo: And that makes it okay?)
16. I will take lessons in self-defence so that I am not constantly kidnapped, captured, beat up or otherwise.
[H. Yuy wrote] When is the last time you saw anyone beat me up, Quatre? (Duo: He lets me beat him sometimes, if you catch my meaning! *wink*)
17. If I do happen to be caught then I will maintain my dignity and not yell cheesy lines like "Help me Jaaaaaames!," "You will never get away with this! Never!" or "Just wait until my friends get here! They'll save me."
[H. Yuy wrote] The death glare, as you have dubbed it, seems far more effective. Besides, they know my friends will come after me. If they can catch me. (Duo: They also know what we'll do when we get there...)
18. I will not under any circumstances take it upon myself to try and reform the villain. Such attempts will always result in death or capture.
[H. Yuy wrote] I will leave any such efforts to Wufei, since he seems quite adept at them.
19. I will not go visiting the villain if s/he is caught. In fact, I will stay as far away from the villain as possible.
[H. Yuy wrote] I only visited him once, and I didn't know who I was going to see. You can't possibly hold that against me!
20. If a wise and unimpeachably loyal friend tells me that something is wrong, I will listen to him/her.
[H. Yuy wrote] Point taken. The next time I ignore anything you tell me, you have my permission to shoot me for it. (Duo: BUT NOT MINE!)
21. I will not trust any vizier, counsellor, or official: with a goatee, who is bald or combination of the two that practices magic or science in a lair or lab that I am not allowed into, has a horny pet monkey, wears all black, has a seemingly too powerful sway over my parents, laughs maniacally, constantly suggests that the best way to solve the problem is our marriage, that is from another land, country or planet, or that somehow one of my descendants offended. I will not needlessly sing corny, horky or romantic songs about a hero, living life elsewhere, etc. These are distracting, annoying, corny and take away from the plot. Instead I will employ other techniques to share my antecedent scenario such as: facial expressions, dialog or inner monologue.
[H. Yuy wrote] Horny pet monkey? (Duo: hey - I don't like that 'wears all black' thingy...)
22. I will do my best to avoid obvious trap situations such as: walking down a dark alley alone, meeting someone, likely associated with the villain alone at night in a deserted area, investigating a dark and seemingly deserted house by myself.
[H. Yuy wrote] The day Lady Une learns the art of subtlety is the day I will worry about traps.
23. I will not wear heels so that I don't constantly trip or fall while trying to get away from the villain.
[H. Yuy wrote] Duo looks better in drag. Must be that hair.
24. Rather than hesitating and wondering if I can reform the villain when s/he is cornered, I will not hesitate to kill him/her given the opportunity, especially if s/he just tried to kill me.
[H. Yuy wrote] (Duo: does this apply to Relena, too? Zechs is her brother, after all.) Relena is reformed, Duo, as if you didn't know. And Zechs isn't really out to kill me... he just has this pilot superiority thing going.
25. I will wear sensible clothing that will not distract my coworkers. A power suit is more professional and conveys a better message than a mini-skirt.
[H. Yuy wrote] Is Trowa aware of your seeming fixation with seeing me in women's clothing?
26. I will try to the best of my abilities not to be a "quirky/spunky sidekick" but rather a useful, pointful ally.
[H. Yuy wrote] "Quirky/spunky sidekick" is Duo's job. (Duo: And I'm so good at it...'quirky'...)
27. If I am the son or daughter of a famous scientist, world leader, president, king, etc, I will make sure that I have competent security and stay as far away from my parents as possible so that I will not be the inevitable hostage.
[H. Yuy wrote] And I won't ride in a pink limousine. (Duo: Or scream 'Come and kill me.' Though I give her credit. She's not so bad since Heero tried to suck out my tonsils in front of her that time.)
28. I will go by the principle "the good of the many out weighs the good of the few." I will also realize that the villain is an inevitable back-stabber. Therefore, if given the choice between my friends lives or giving something that will make the villain all powerful, I will not hand over what the villain wants and just hope for the best for my friends.
[H. Yuy wrote] Well, I think I've already done this one. (Duo: Yeah, and I'm short one or two of my nine lives from it. Q, tell Tro I'm still narked that he didn't let me know he was alive for so long.)
29. I will remember in other applicable situations as well that the villain is an inevitable back stabber.
[H. Yuy wrote] I think this one just broke Duo. He's doubled over in the chair, laughing hard enough to fall out of it. (Duo: Treize... backstabber... Wufei... Sexy Zechsy...)
Thanks, Quatre. I think we needed something like this. Duo is much calmer now, though I still need to make it up to him. You and Trowa take care of yourselves, and hope to see you soon.
Heero and Duo
----- end message -----
Heero clicked on send, then leaned back in the chair. Duo also leaned back, rubbing himself against his lover.
"So, Heero, about that making it up to me part..."
The Japanese pilot's arms closed tightly around his lover, holding him steady as Heero groaned into the warmth of Duo's hair. "Anything you want from me..."
Duo somehow managed to get free from Heero's grip, and turned himself around so he could stare into the Japanese teen's deep blue eyes, straddling his lap. "Just your word. Promise me, Heero. Never again."
Heero felt his heart constrict. Duo would never lie to him - he knew he could never lie to Duo, either. "I promise I'll value my life as highly as I value yours. How's that?"
Duo nodded, a small, hopeful smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "That's perfect." He scooted forward and took Heero's lips in a kiss.
Heero gave up on the idea of thinking - his hands slid down Duo's lean, muscled back to his rear and squeezed. Duo moaned into the kiss as he felt his own growing hardness now rubbing against the matching bulge in Heero's jeans. He broke the kiss and nibbled at his lover's ear gently before breathing into it, "Now take me to bed, SuperHeero."
"But I'm not..."
Duo silenced him with a kiss. "Yes, you are."
A husky, possessive growl was his only reply as Heero stood, Duo still held tightly in his arms, and walked across the small safehouse common room to the bedroom beyond.
Guerilla Warfare For Dummies
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